Set Realistic & Smart Goals for Your Child

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This article is based on an Autism 360 parent webinar about setting realistic goals for autistic children, at home and at school. If you are searching for goals for autism that actually work in everyday family life, or for SMART goals for autism examples and IEP goals for autism you can take into your next school meeting, this guide walks you through the SMART method step by step. You’ll learn how to create a SMART goal, see examples of autism goals for home and school, and find tips for writing SMART goals IEP teams will use.

My name is Stephanie Collins. I have worked in special education for about 15 years, mostly as an interpreter for deaf students in special education units in schools. I am also the parent of two children on the spectrum, and at Autism 360 I am a parent support coach. I help families with our programs and parent support.

Setting Realistic Goals, a.k.a. SMART Goals

Tonight’s topic is setting realistic and attainable goals, both at home and in education. We often focus on educational goals, and of course those matter. But goals at home matter just as much.

As a parent, I am my child’s greatest advocate. The school team, therapists and any outside supports are all part of our team, but we are also the ones who carry goals across every setting: at school, at home and with the carers at Grandma’s house. Routine, practice and keeping goals going at home are very important.

At home we can work on reading, writing, counting and the alphabet. We can also work on everyday skills and chores, like bringing your plate to the sink when you’ve finished eating, or packing away your toys. Our children keep growing and developing, and these skills help them take part in family life.

I have high expectations of my children, but they are realistic expectations. They are five and six, so I don’t expect them to mop the floors or run the vacuum. Goals need to be age appropriate and suited to your child’s skills, and to what they are physically able to do right now.

What Does SMART Goal Mean?

You will hear “smart goals” everywhere, especially in school meetings, and we use SMART goals at Autism 360 too. SMART is an acronym. When we create goals, we want them to be:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Attainable
• Relevant
• Time-bound

Let’s break down what each part means for us as parents and for our children.

Making a Goal Specific

General goals are easy to come up with: “bring your plate to the sink”, “count to five”, “find the color red”. Colors were an easy place to start with my children, and pointing to colors is a simple goal once a child knows them.

A SMART goal needs to be more specific, because specific goals are the most effective and give your child the best chance of meeting them. “Come to the sink” is general. “When you’ve finished eating, bring your plate and cup to the sink” is specific. It tells your child exactly what to do and when.

The Goal Needs to Be Measurable

We want goals to be measurable so we can see the progress our children are making. That’s why we monitor progress in the Autism 360 program, and why, when we create goals with families, we make sure the measurable piece is there.

The most common ways to measure a goal are frequency (how often) and accuracy (how well). For example: “three times a day”, or “in four out of five opportunities”, or “80% of the time”.

If you’re working with your school on an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) or another learning plan, goals should be measurable in this way too. I live in Ohio in the United States, and here an IEP needs these measures or it won’t be accepted by the state education board. In Australia, schools use similar plans (often called an Individual Education Plan or Individual Learning Plan, depending on your state and school), and measurable goals help everyone see progress.

As a parent, I want to see what my child is doing. If he is doing a task once a day but doing it 100% of the time, that’s a great start. Our next step might be three times a day at 80%. It also helps to track how many chances we are giving him to practice the goal at all.

Attainable and Realistic

An attainable goal is one your child can actually achieve. They need to have the skills that come first (the prerequisite skills) for the goal to be realistic.

If your child can’t count yet, it isn’t realistic to say “In three months I want my child to count to 20”. It’s possible, but it takes motivation, repetition, practice and routine.

I see a lot of parents whose children are nonverbal. My daughter is nonverbal (non-speaking), and right now she uses about five spoken words. For me, an unrealistic goal would be “say 50 words by next month”. She is five, and that is not going to happen in a month no matter how much time I put in. That doesn’t mean she isn’t communicating. She communicates in lots of ways, and her goals need to build on those.

Another thing to remember: if a goal is too hard, your child can become frustrated and lose interest in learning it. When a child gets frustrated while we’re working on something, we stop and walk away for now. I learned this with my son. I used to make flashcards for him, and he would get upset, shout or tear them up. He was telling me this wasn’t working for him.

So I changed my approach. I found times when he was happy and engaged. When he was jumping on his trampoline, he would count or sing with me. Weaving goals into activities he enjoyed worked far better than sitting at the table with flashcards.

Age matters too, and so does anything else going on for your child, such as anxiety, attention differences or sensory needs. All of these affect which goals are attainable right now.

Getting dressed is a great attainable goal. But if we ask our child to get dressed and they can’t reach their clothes, because the wardrobe rail is too high or the drawers are hard to open, they will never meet the goal. So before asking “why isn’t he dressing himself?”, check the environment. Can he get to his clothes? Once he has access, he can start practicing.

My daughter, for example, will pull all her clothes out, so I keep most of them out of reach. But I leave some within reach, because she does try to dress herself. If your child tends to make a mess, give them access to a small selection of clothes, or let them pick out their outfit from two choices.

Relevant to Your Child’s Life

The goal needs to be relevant to your child’s life. If it isn’t, they won’t be motivated to work on it. That’s true for all of us.

Eating, getting dressed and sleeping are relevant to every child. Sleep can be tricky, but food is often a strong motivator. Counting, coloring and activities your child already enjoys are good places to start.

You can also build goals around play. If taking turns is hard for your child, turn-taking could be a goal, and you can practice it with toys they love. Start with your child’s interests and build from there.

Time-Bound: Set a Time Frame

Making goals time-bound means setting a realistic time frame for working towards them. How long depends on the goal itself. The more challenging the goal, the longer the time frame.

If you think your child can meet a goal in three months, great. Goals don’t always need to run for a full year. You might set a six-month goal, then review it at six months. If it isn’t working, you adjust it. Either way, keep a record of the progress your child is making.

IEPs usually run for a school year. My children have goals set at a meeting at the start of the year, and they work on them across the school year. They won’t always meet every goal, but the aim is to keep moving towards it.

I have seen goals that are well beyond a child’s current skills. If a child is in Year 2 and is given a goal written for a Year 4 or Year 5 student, they are unlikely to meet it. That isn’t a failing on the child’s part. The goal needs to fit where they are now.

So be realistic, and make sure the whole team is realistic about what your child can do now, without putting a ceiling on what they can do later. I have set goals for my son that he met in three months, and I thought, “We should have made that one harder!” I have also set goals my daughter wasn’t ready for developmentally. We put those aside, took a step back and made smaller goals, with more chances to practice.

That’s the great thing about goals: you can always adjust them to fit your child. If your child doesn’t meet a goal, it doesn’t mean they failed. Look at the progress they have made. I like to look back at last year’s IEP, see which goals were met and which weren’t, and then see how far my children have come.

Practice at Home, Too

It’s on us as parents to practice at home as well. After school, my children need a break first, with a snack and some rest. Then we work on goals in fun ways: counting while we jump on the trampoline, coloring, writing or spelling our names out loud. Slowly but surely. If handwriting with autism is a struggle, keep those sessions short and playful too.

I keep a binder for each child with their IEP goals and different strategies and ways to practice them. That way, they are getting the same support at home and at school, with routine and regular practice.

Examples of Goals That Are Not Measurable

Measurable and attainable goals are key, including for chores and activities at home like cleaning up and packing away toys. Here are some examples of goals that don’t work, and why:

• “Do more math problems.” How many more? How often? What kind of math problems?
• “Understand what I read.” “Understand” is very broad. What exactly do you want them to understand?
• “Read better.” Better than what? Can they read at all yet? What will “better” look like?
• “Run around the track in five minutes.” How many laps? How big is the track? One lap might not take five minutes.
• “Pay attention during reading.” What does paying attention look like for this child, and how will you know? (Many autistic children listen best while moving or looking away.)

To fix each one, add the specifics: what, how often, how well, with how much help and by when.

SMART Goals for Autism Examples

Here are some SMART goals for autism examples that families often find helpful. They are starting points only. Adjust the numbers, supports and time frames to suit your child, and build on what your child enjoys.

• Self-care: “By the end of term, with a picture sequence on the bathroom wall, Sam will brush his teeth for one minute, with no more than one verbal reminder, on 4 out of 5 mornings.”
• Getting dressed: “Within 8 weeks, Mia will choose between two outfits and put on her top and pants independently on 3 out of 5 school mornings.”
• Communication: “Within 3 months, Leo will ask for a preferred snack using his AAC device, a picture card or a word, at 4 out of 5 snack times.” (Any form of communication counts.)
• Play and turn-taking: “By the end of the school term, during a game with Lego (his favorite toy), Ari will take turns with a parent for 3 turns each, with a visual ‘my turn / your turn’ card, in 4 out of 5 play sessions.”
• Emotional regulation: “Within 10 weeks, when she feels overwhelmed, Ella will point to her ‘break’ card or go to her calm corner, with one prompt, on 3 out of 5 occasions.”
• Household routine: “Within 6 weeks, when the clean-up song plays, Noah will put his blocks in the tub, with a visual cue, on 4 out of 5 evenings.”

Notice what these goals have in common. They teach useful skills that matter to the child. They include the supports the child will have (visuals, AAC, a song). And none of them ask a child to look less autistic. Good goals for an autistic child never aim to stop stimming, force eye contact or make a child “sit still and comply”. They aim to build independence, communication and wellbeing.

Social Skills and Communication Goals for Autism

Social skills goals for autism work best when they focus on connection your child enjoys, not on copying neurotypical behavior. Examples: “will invite a sibling to play a favorite game using words, a sign or a picture card, 3 times a week”, or “will tell an adult when they need a break in 4 out of 5 situations”. Functional communication goals for autism, often set with a speech pathologist, teach your child a reliable way to ask for help, say no, make choices and share feelings, using speech, AAC, sign or gestures. Free printable communication cards can support these goals at home.

IEP Goals for Autism: SMART IEP Goals Examples

SMART goals in education follow the same pattern. A strong SMART IEP goal names the skill, the support, the setting, how it will be measured and the time frame. Here are some IEP SMART goals examples you could adapt with your child’s school team:

• Reading: “By the end of Term 3, given a short passage at her reading level and a visual story map, Zoe will answer 3 out of 4 ‘who, what, where’ questions correctly in 4 out of 5 sessions.”
• Math: “By the end of the semester, using counters or a number line, Jack will solve 8 out of 10 single-digit addition problems correctly across 3 consecutive weeks.”
• Writing: “By the end of the year, using a keyboard or pencil grip of his choice, Omar will write his first and last name independently in 4 out of 5 attempts.”
• Self-advocacy: “By the end of Term 2, when the classroom is too noisy, Lily will ask for headphones or a break (verbally, with a card or with a gesture) in 4 out of 5 observed situations.”
• Transitions: “Within 8 weeks, with a visual schedule and a 2-minute warning, Max will move from play to the next activity within 3 minutes on 4 out of 5 school days.”

When you review a smart IEP goal draft, ask the team: Is this goal meaningful for my child? What support will they get? How will we measure it, and who will do the measuring? How will I hear about progress? You can ask for changes before you sign off. Our home to school transitions masterclass shows you how to prepare for your child’s school planning meeting so these questions get answered.

What About SMART Goals in ABA?

Some families search for smart goals ABA programs use. Applied behavior analysis (ABA) programs also write measurable goals. Whatever support approach you use, the same questions apply. Is the goal meaningful to your child? Does it respect how they communicate and regulate? Does it build skills and confidence, rather than simply teaching a child to comply or hide their autistic traits? If a goal doesn’t pass that test, it’s worth raising with the team.

Using the First-Then Strategy

A “first, then” approach works well for many young children, and you can use it with goals. First comes the goal activity, then something your child enjoys. For example: “First we’ll practice counting, then you get five minutes with your iPad”, or “First counting, then coloring”. A first-then board makes this visual for children who process pictures more easily than words.

I use first-then less for educational goals and more for everyday routines at home: “First we finish eating and you bring your plate to me, then you can jump on the trampoline, go outside on the swing or have your iPad for five minutes.”

You can measure these home goals informally too. Note whether your child did it on the first prompt, the second prompt or not yet. You don’t have to write a formal goal. Just jotting it down shows you progress at home. One day you might write, “He packed away his toys without a reminder today!” With a brand-new chore, it’s normal for a child not to do it on the first ask.

Realistic Goals for Autistic Children at Home

Here are some goals for kids with autism that I think are realistic for many families. Yes, our children are on the spectrum, and some of these may be hard for them or take them more time. But chores and home goals are realistic for us as parents to set:

• Brushing teeth
• Packing away toys
• Putting dirty clothes in the basket
• Getting dressed
• Making their bed

These can be simple goals. They don’t need to be complicated. They will often need prompting and help at first, so make them fun.

When we were teaching my son to pack away his toys (and we’re still working on it with my daughter), we found out the clean-up song his preschool used. At preschool, the song told every child, autistic and neurotypical, that it was time to pack away and move to the next activity, like circle time. It helped with transitions because the children knew what was coming next. Our guide to easing school transitions with visual supports has more examples you can borrow from the classroom.

So we used the clean-up song at home: when it played, it was time to pack away the Lego blocks before bath time. It doesn’t have to be that song. Play any music your child likes. The point is that I brought what was working at school into our home.

That’s a perfect example of a team effort. Use what educators are using, at home, and share what works at home with the school. I would tell the school, “We’re using this visual schedule at home”, so they could use it too. Talk with the school about what you’re doing, and bring their strategies home. Whether your child is in a mainstream class or one of the autism schools in your area, this two-way sharing is what makes goals stick.

Persistence, Patience and Repetition

Persistence, patience and repetition are key. It can be frustrating for us, and it’s frustrating for our children too, especially if they don’t understand what we’re asking or why we keep asking.

If we ask a child to do or say something and they do it, as far as they’re concerned, they’re done. If we ask again and again, they don’t understand why. I see this a lot, and I sometimes have to remind my own family. Someone will say, “Quinn, spell your name”, and he spells it. Then they ask again, and again. By the second or third time he’s frustrated, because he already did it. He uses the sign for “finished” to tell us, “I’m all done.”

He’s telling us he has done the task and wants us to stop. So yes, we need to be persistent, but with patience. Repetition is great, just not every two seconds. We might practice spelling his name in the morning, at lunchtime and at dinner, because he’s already doing it at school too. That’s repetition without making him repeat himself on the spot. Nobody wants to be a broken record.

Key Takeaways

• Use the SMART method: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound.
• Start with your child’s interests and what matters in their daily life.
• Check the environment first. Can your child reach, see and understand what they need?
• Treat frustration as information. If a goal is causing distress, step back and make it smaller.
• Goals are always adjustable. Not meeting a goal doesn’t mean your child failed.
• Work as a team with your child’s school, and carry strategies between home and school.