INTRO
hello and welcome everybody to the autism 360 podcast the autism 360 method a weekly podcast where we talk about everything autism 360. each week we’ll be catching you up with what’s going on in the program chatting with team members and talking all things mindset as well as exploring relevant ideas that autism parents think about i’m your host ella bailey autism 360 veteran coach and explorer of all things parenting support i come from a behavioral psychology background and today i am lucky enough to be rejoined by the delightful renee tate our mindset coach here on the program hello hello hello ella hello um everyone who’s listening it’s great to be here today and um we’ve got a great topic today we sure do so welcome our lovely listeners we want to extend um a special welcome to our program um members who are listening uh today hello thank you for joining us and uh this podcast exists for you it exists for our community um and we would love to hear from you so please um you know drop drop a line reach out at hello autism360.com we would love to hear from you and send in your parent questions for myself or some of my special guests to answer in upcoming podcasts before we get started i would like to acknowledge the radical people of the eora nation on whose land i live and work and from where this podcast is being broadcast today and i would also like to mention that this podcast is not a substitute for medical advice if you have concerns about yourself or about your child please do contact a medical professional um and get some expert advice so renee hooray
Chapter 1
such a good topic today yes so today we’re talking about motivation and i think it’s one that everyone can benefit from and particularly i find a lot of parents sometimes just get a little bit stuck in the weeds and it’s you know it can be a bit of a slog sometimes and feel like am i getting anywhere uh where are we going and so i think it’s really important to look at how today we’re going to look at some tips on how you can stay motivated and keep on working towards your goals so um i think sometimes i do notice ella i’m not sure about you but a lot of the time i find that parents are focused on all the things they’re worried about and they’re really projecting all that fear and anxiety into the future worried about you know what’s going to happen for my child and they sort of head in this direction that’s all very can be a little bit negative bit doom and gloom and it’s no wonder that they’re not feeling motivated because it’s um certainly not going to motivate you to want to to be doing more if that’s where your mindset is at so what i would suggest around that if you are struggling and wanting to feel more motivated is first of all take a bit of a step back and look at first of all the bigger picture again okay if you’re feeling a bit like i’m stuck in will my child ever get there toileting or if we’re ever going to get past this stage i just want you to take a bit of a step back and then look at the vision that you want for your family first of all longer term that direction that you do want to head into so where do you want your family to be 10 years from now 5 years from now 12 months from now okay and start just looking at at that where is it that we’re actually wanting to head rather than heading in that direction of what we’re worried and you know what we focus on growth so if we’re always looking in that other direction that’s where we’re going to head so really important to get that that vision for the future and then from there break it down into some smaller goals that you can achieve um so i often say to the parents on the program if they’re on for three months or you know that period of time what is some goals that you would like to achieve during that time maybe it’s about being calmer maybe it’s being happier whatever it is for them but if we break that down that vision down we chunk it down a bit to some to some goals that they can really start to work towards and from that i would then say break it down into some weekly tasks so that it’s actually quite achievable that’s quite actionable that you go okay well what do i need to do towards that and that really helps you stay on track i mean we can’t hit a target that we can’t see so how are we going to be motivated if we don’t even have something that we’re excited about or we’re really wanting to achieve so i think if you’re feeling a little bit like you’re lacking motivation perhaps it’s like time to set some goals for yourself and really start to work towards those smaller goals towards a longer-term vision um and of course important to celebrate your wins along the way um i think that’s a
CHAPTER II
big thing is also acknowledging yourself for how far you’ve come what you are achieving big things and little things and you know i think sometimes we don’t do that enough because we’re always focused on maybe what’s missing what’s lacking what our child’s not doing so rather than looking at that all the time looking at well what have we achieved and ticking those those things off because success breeds success so it’s like the more that you can acknowledge yourself for what you are achieving the more you’re going to want to do more of that um so i think that’s you know really if you haven’t got clear about it it’s midway through the year good time to just go okay you know what do i want to achieve for the future but particularly those shorter term goals and um that that one percent increase you know sometimes it’s like we we need to just keep that consistency because by the end of the year those little increases those little wins you’ll be amazed at how far you come and look back and go wow you know look at what we have achieved i think um having that clear direction is really really important what do you think ella yeah it’s interesting i’ve been listening to well i try to listen to all the time to um the voices of different um different carer groups of um autistic kids you know i try to listen to parents of young kids parents of teenagers parents of 30 year olds um you know really uh you know non-speaking verbal kids and i listened to this fantastic um facebook live the other day from it from an account called finding cooper’s voice and she uh she’s always really honest about her experience of raising her autistic son cooper who is uh non-speaking uh level three um and has you know significant challenges significant disabilities um and she talks about um realizing that there is this really tricky stage of um autism parenting that sort of you know four to eight um where you’re really in the weeds you really start to notice that your kiddo is um not keeping up with their peers it’s when they either get to school or don’t it’s when they are you know lots of kids are doing their other first things and your child may not be um or whatever but she she gave this really interesting perspective which i think bears so well on motivation which is that it isn’t forever there is a season and the season that you’re in is is just that it’s a season and the fact that your child is going to be completely different in three years four years five years um is something that you can hold on to you know even a child with the most um significant impairments is going to make beautiful cool groundbreaking improvements in their own way um and i so i think um i think all parents should go check out that account finding cooper’s voice um and uh have a listen to her perspective on how you can maintain motivation and find joy in um your own journey kind of thing your own um autism parenting journey what sorts of what sorts of challenges do you find um pose the biggest threat to parents motivations when you’re chatting with them on the program renee
CHAPTER III
well look i think sometimes it’s um they’re exhausted a lot of the time and and their cups running a bit empty and i always say we can’t pour from it from an empty cup so i think having those times to refuel yourself is really important and for parents to think it’s okay for me to do things that fill me up again it’s like going and recharging your battery um because if you are not doing those things you get to that point where you become a little bit uh demotivated maybe a little bit frustrated a bit resentful and then you’re not being your best as a parent which does not make you feel good so i think that’s probably one of the biggest one is make sure you’re doing some things to fill your cup up and then you’ve got more to keep giving you’re able to handle things much better as well um i think sometimes also just getting started is um important and i’ve i listened to this really good ted talk and i’ll i have to uh remember uh the the gentleman’s name but basically what he was saying and he had us he had he has adhd he’s very successful in um in business and his life and he talked about all the things he’s achieved but he went from being a student that really struggled um when he was younger to being on the dean’s list getting honours he really changed his whole life and he did this with a really clever strategy he broke things down into five minute chunks and said can i do that for five minutes um and from that he was able to get started because i think that’s a lot of the the problem sometimes it’s just getting started and i see sometimes parents have houses that are a bit cluttered or they’re like you know this is what we’re living in that that that clutters them up in their mind as well and then they feel overwhelmed so i’ve just been saying to parents can you get started for five minutes um and they go yeah i can do that and what you’ll find is once you get started the chances are you’ll want to continue because it’s like anything whether it’s um studying or whether it’s going um starting something with your work whether it’s can i go for a walk rather than looking at i’ve got to find an hour i don’t have that time can you go for five minutes and once you get started you’ll be amazed at how you will just naturally want to keep going so i think um that’s another good strategy that i think a lot of everyone can benefit from is just five minutes and that that start and it is those small incremental increases that where we start to get that consistency and then we start to see results and then it motivates us more um to want to do more because we’re seeing oh okay i’m getting on top of that that momentum creates momentum um so i think that those are some good tips for parents to to be out of action straight away yeah fill your cup up and do something for yourself really important whatever that is even if it’s i’m just gonna meditate in bed for five minutes a night um that’s just a nice thing for you that you can do regardless of what’s happening with your family maybe you feel like you don’t have time but also yeah looking at those things but also breaking things down into really bite-sized chunks that you can implement um and that’s not everyone can do that i’ve had so many parents okay yeah i could do that i can i can cook dinner for five minutes i can sit down with my child for five minutes um sometimes that can be hard to just be present and get into their world um because it’s like i don’t have time but you know what i can do that for five minutes so i think that’s a really good starting starting place that’s how i got myself to start uh cleaning the bathroom when it needs to be cleaned it was uh can i clean this whole bathroom i would you know rather eat a fork um but can i do five minutes of dusting yes i can kind of thing and then before you know it the bathroom’s clean right like yeah um it’s yeah it’s an awesome tactic to at least like get yourself over that initial hurdle and then that behavioral momentum behavioral inertia kind of carries you um once you’re already in in the flow doesn’t it absolutely and i think celebrating those wins along the way as well and maybe just take a moment sometimes to stop and reflect on how far you’ve come what have you achieved so far what has your child achieved and when you start to look back and go wow you know we are actually doing a lot more than what i realized and changing your mindset from what’s missing to what we are achieving that’s really going to inspire you to want to keep going and doing more so it’s a good opportunity to sit back i did it for myself the other day i was like i was getting frustrated and i thought you know what let’s look at what i’ve achieved in the last five years and it was amazing the more that we start to look at that the more we really start to notice more and more things and it it really gives you that really good boost so i think that’s a really important one for parents give yourself a big pat on the back um acknowledge yourself for what you are doing um criticism doesn’t help you know if you’re beating yourself up it’s just going to really weigh you down so just really acknowledge yourself for what you’re doing already that will really encourage you and motivate you to want to keep going and doing more as well yeah absolutely um
CHAPTER IV
i’ve got a question for us um that pertains to this one so this is from one of our lovely program parents rebecca from blackwater and she’s just asking i find myself feeling very demotivated after every assessment appointment where milestones are being missed any tips for managing motivation in the face of some discouraging results yes look i think that’s a common one and sometimes it’s hard when we’re not seeing results to to feel like well well yeah how do i keep going how do i stay motivated so i think just remember sometimes we don’t see the results straight away it’s a bit like if we go to the gym we don’t see results on day one we may not see results on day two we might not even see those results for a month but they’re going to happen just through that consistency and so it is about just staying focused on your goals i think that’s where having those clear goals really helps you stay on track because it’s when we start losing track of those things that’s when we can get a bit lost and lose our way a bit so i think stick to your goals keep going even
CHAPTER V
though you’re not seeing results straight away just keep focusing on that outcome of what you want to achieve um yeah and really just celebrate the small wins even if you’re not getting the actual results just yet celebrate the fact that you know what we’re doing it we’re we’re trying my child’s trying i’m trying we’re doing the best we can and just acknowledge yourself for that because that’s an achievement in itself um and i think that the more that we can be very kind and um praising ourselves and being proud of those things that it certainly helps keep going um as well yeah absolutely and i think rebecca i would say you know we spent a lot of time working out what motivates our children to push through things that are hard we spend a lot of time working out you know reinforcement schedules or reward charts or you know whatever it might be that’s going to motivate them to um you know help them to learn new skills to do things that are um not in their wheelhouse and whatnot and so i think we should take that enthusiasm and that um persistence that we bring to try to motivate our child to try to motivate ourselves you know figure out what motivates you if what actually motivates you is you know specifically the feedback from those assessments then really tailor what you’re doing to figure that out you know i think if figuring out what you actually need to feel fulfilled um and then figuring out a system to work towards those things is going to be super helpful we’re all motivated by different things we all um have different uh we all have different levels you know to which we’re working willing to work for for one thing or for the other so take time to reflect on that and figure out you know what really motivates me to push through this thing that is hard um and and depending on what you come up with be strategic about the way that you deploy that in your life and i think it will make a difference you know i’m um i’m a uh i’m a praise motivated person i really love getting positive feedback from people getting positive feedback from clients and that sort of thing that i really um thrive on that but not everybody does you know i have a lot of clients who um find that really uncomfortable or awkward kind of thing in fact my sister just can’t stand being praised uh it’s hilarious and um so you know work work on that see what works for you what do you think renae oh definitely some people are definitely a bit more carrot some people are a bit more stick um maybe yeah absolutely look at those break it down into smaller things but absolutely i think that’s a great tip and if you’re a stick person you’re better with that well what will happen if i don’t do this maybe look at you know what is my why um what regrets will i have if i don’t follow through on this and make sure that those things are really clear um because that might drive you more to go i don’t want to have regrets i don’t want my child to miss out on this or that and that may actually motivate you more i think the other thing to look at is other things that maybe you didn’t think you would overcome once upon a time that you have now and you you might take that for granted oh well now we can just do that but once upon a time that might have felt like a goal that you didn’t know how you would achieve you wondered if you’d ever get there but i’m sure if you look back you’ll see those milestones along the way so that might just give you that ability to go wow you know keep going because it is worth it and i always say to people don’t stop three feet from gold sometimes we are closer um to achieving it than what we realize so make sure you keep going and um and if you do i’m sure you’ll get those results yes absolutely um rebecca please um let us know if that’s helpful we would love to hear from you and uh we’re going to finish up today with some action points from our lovely renee where do you think our parents should start with this this week well i always say in any session with my uh without lovely parents or the group sessions is uh what’s the biggest thing that you’re taking away from today uh first of all and what can you action from today uh so make sure you put some of those things into action even if it’s just one one or two things that action is so important awareness is great but without action and actually getting that happening it really doesn’t have the benefit so just um make a clear commitment to yourself that you’re going to put these things into action today and you will start to get that momentum and you’ll really
OUTRO
start to get that um that success yep absolutely and i think um for those listeners who aren’t on the program um or who you know are maybe army and hiring i think something that really helps with um with motivation is how the program really lays out a clear path of how of to success you know i think it’s a finite timeline and every program is personalized by your allied health professional coach and i think that it can really help with motivation to get that kind of boost in productivity to be really held accountable even for even for just a finite timeline and to get a bit of a you know a bit of a a turbo charge to your progress you know um so please reach out let us know if we can help you um you know inquire about the program at hello autism360.com thank you so much for joining us and thank you as always to uh the lovely renee our mindset guru thank you thank you everyone um so we will uh join you again next week with another uh topic relevant to autism parenting um so thank you very very much for being here with us today and until then uh think360. see you
