hello hello and welcome to the 360  method a podcast from autism 360 where  we chat about everything program autism  parenting  and catch up with cool team members  this week i am lucky enough to be  rejoined by the delightful  renee tate our mindset coach here at the  program hello renee hello ella hello to  our beautiful parents out there lovely  to speak to you today  it is always lovely to speak with our  lovely um listeners thank you for  joining me here today to talk about  changing from  from chaos to calm  um we are so glad to have you lovely  listeners and we care about you we care  about your thoughts and experiences  so whether you’re program member or not  please reach out to us and drop us a  line at hello we love your feedback and  we love to answer your questions  so before we get started um sorting out  your chaos i would like to acknowledge  the gadigal people of the eora nation um  on whose land i live and work and from  where this podcast is being broadcast  today and i would also like to just give  the disclaimer that this podcast does  not substitute for medical advice  if you are concerned about yourself or  about somebody you care for please do  seek professional assistance  so


today we are chatting about  moving from chaos to calm renee  yes so i think this is one of the things  that a lot of our parents and carers  really struggle with at times is how do  i stay calm with all of these things  going on there’s a lot of things out of  my control  um you know those our children we can’t  always control everything that they do  and um particularly probably good timing  with people after school holidays maybe  you’re just like oh i’ve survived the  holiday so uh so we’re going to look at  some ways that you can create that calm  for yourself  regardless of what’s going on outside of  you so that’s the thing that i really  want to encourage is just to create your  own zone of calm and i think sometimes  we think well when everything else  outside of me is a certain way then i  can be calm and this is called living at  effect where it’s always based on what’s  happening on the outside of us and the  outside world to be how we want to be  and who we want to be um the key is to  turn this around and look at you know  living at cause being the cause and the  creator of your results and and how  you’re feeling so what i would like to  encourage you today is to look at who do  you need to be and what do you need to  do to have the results that you want and  if you would like to have more calm in  your home in your environment we’re  going to look at some tips of of how you  can do that today  so it starts with you and it doesn’t  have to be when the kids are behaving or  when this is happening then i’ll be calm  uh the karma that you are as well i’m  sure you’ve noticed that our children  are so sensitive they pick up on our  energy and our emotions so um the lovely  thing about that is the karma we are  they become everyone around us um they  really pick up on that as well so it’s  really important to create that and um  today just some tips around that so one  of the things i find a lot of the time  is that parents who do seem a bit  chaotic they always say i’ve got a you  know a lot of clutter in my home and  maybe their environment is chaotic and  they’re sort of living in a bit more  clutter than what they would ideally  like so i think obviously our  environment is really important so i  really encourage you to look at your  environment first of all and just look  at how can i create more calm in the  environment maybe we could de-clutter  and uh become more organized and find  some ways to get on top of that side of  things and i’ve had some parents who  have literally shown me around the house  on on the video going look at this renee  look at this and then they go right i’ve  decided i’m going to let go of some of  these things that they’re hanging on to  and realizing how much better they feel  they can think clearer they feel calmer  and each time i speak to them as they’re  decluttering they are just amazed at how  much difference that has made so first  tip is is maybe it’s time to declutter  let go of some things let go of some  toys um whatever it is that feels like  it’s creating that chaotic environment  for you  um another way to create um your zone of  calm is to let go of what you can’t  control okay so looking at what’s in  your control and what’s out of your  control and sometimes we can get very  stuck in all those things that we really  can’t control yes we can influence  certain things but there’s some things  that we just can’t change we can’t  control what other people think about us  or our children we can’t control  people’s perceptions or even what’s  happened in the past and i think letting  go of those things and going  you know even our children’s behavior to  a degree we can’t always control that um  so yeah but we can control how we feel  in that moment are we going to get  completely frazzled and react or are we  going to you know stay nice and calm and  centered in ourself and and and respond  in the best way that we can or just  manage our emotions and and how who  we’re being in that moment as well and i  know that sometimes




it’s not easy you  know we all have our moments but i think  the more that we can practice that um  the more we can master those things that  are definitely within our control  so  there’s two really good tips i think the  other thing i just wanted to really uh  mention today is set yourself up for  success like look at what can i do each  day to create my zone of calm  and before the day and everything else  hits you it’s like  just finding that time for yourself and  i know sometimes it’s not easy but maybe  it’s five minutes a day where you get up  and do a little bit of meditating in bed  before you get up or you do some  affirmations or you do some journaling  maybe you’ve even got time to get out  for a quick walk just looking at what  can i do each day to really center  myself and put myself in that nice calm  state um and then put like a a nice big  bubble around yourself like a bit of a  energetic bubble where you’re able to  really um you know stay in that nice  space yourself regardless of what  happens on the outside and this is  something i know myself over the years i  used to get very anxious throughout the  day when my you know whatever was going  on with my children and different things  like that and there’s a tip i’ve been  sharing with parents about really  disassociating from the emotions like  not embodying it looking at it for what  it is okay this is a stressful situation  right now but we don’t have to take that  in we don’t have to actually absorb that  into us we can sort of keep that little  bit of a disassociate from that and  just observe it for what it is and the  more you do that it’s amazing you can  really be in the face of a lot of  different things and still have that  nice calm  um calm feeling within you so  um look at that more those morning  rituals what could you do and i know a  lot of parents don’t have a lot of time  but maybe it’s just five minutes that  you can do to just set yourself up for  success put yourself in that nice calm  state and you’ll find that you’re able  to be on the front foot everything flows  you’re able to manage things better  because you’ve centered yourself before  the day has started so  um they would be my my top tips for  today ella around  being when calm maintaining that calm  and uh what do you think what are your  thoughts on that ella well there was a  couple of um points that i really wanted  to say around the clutter  issue and one of them is that um there’s  been a lot of research into  uh  kind of how long kids play with a toy or  how long a toy can sustain a child’s  interest and it’s mostly funded by like  toy companies fisher and pikel et cetera  um just to see what things interest a  kid what things don’t interest a kid and  the less toys that a child has the  longer they will play with each toy  so the more that you  reduce that kind of choice demand for  your kids and and  make uh kind of ease that cognitive  load of making these decisions of always  having 50 options that they have to  sift through cognitively  the better it is going to be for their  attention span the better it is going to  be for their capacity to get into a flow  state in play  you’re doing wonders for them by  clearing out that clutter and giving  them a clean  uh slate to kind of  let their imagination do the work of  play don’t try and you know get toys to  do the work of play because  the more toys the less time they play  with each toy is that wild i would never  have thought that



but it’s totally true  absolutely and i’ve had parents say but  they might play with this again or i  don’t want to take away all their all  their toys and i think that’s such a  good point ella because  it’s it creates a lot of chaos for the  children too i think having a lot of  that going on so as you said sometimes  less is more and it really allows them  to enjoy what they do have more when  they’re not bombarded with so many toys  that they’ve had sitting there for a  long time as well yeah yeah absolutely  um i have you know my own three tips but  it’s interesting that one of them is  turning your home into a place that your  family finds truly restful  so  many homes are so filled with  um  you know bits and pieces and and noise  and clutter and all these things that we  can go home but we’re not actually  resting so  um  what is it that’s turning your home into  a place that’s not restful for you  what’s turning your home into a place  that’s chaotic and not calm  and  obviously there’s so much important work  that goes into the karmic coming from  internal but why have a space that’s  working against that  you know um and and a restful space can  look like anything you know maybe some  people do find clutter restful sometimes  i think maybe my partner finds clutter  restful  but  but um restful is different for  everybody and i think  starting to tune in to what your family  finds restful especially if you do have  autistic kids that could be really  different than what a typical household  may look like so maybe your child finds  a room full of  posters and toys and books and and  whatever really visually overwhelming  and so that might be be for you that  might be  you know an example of a really kind of  richly provided for child when actually  that’s not restful for them so what do  the people in your family find restful  and lean into that in an intentional way  to kind of bring some calm from that  chaos so a lot of overlap with the with  the things that you were talking about  renee  yeah absolutely i i agree and i think  just sometimes putting on some calming  music and little things like that um you  know we feel better and calmer and so do  our children just to create that i love  that ella it’s like something that just  some a few  small things could make a really big  difference to creating that lovely  environment where everyone feels karma  absolutely and  the other two tips that i have are kind  of connected and they have a lot to do  with  being intentional around what goes into  your life  so um you know we live in this age that  is full of  things that you can add in there’s  always another class that you could go  to there’s always another article you  could read there’s always another  podcast you can listen to  i mean obviously ours um but  start being intentional about the why  behind your activities because if your  activities are causing you to be in  chaos  then  what is the why behind them and are they  actually serving you so  um  you know my my other two tips are one  change your default response  from yes to let me get back to you and  so the reason that i say that is because  you know we we want to make people happy  as humans we we want to build connection  we want to be in relationship with  people build communities etc and so  often  especially



for moms with kids  we want to say yes we want to say yes i  can do that  baking for the church fate  yes i can volunteer at the school  canteen yes yes yes yes yes yes yes and  before we know it  we’re living in this kind of swirling  snow globe of chaos  um  and i think that changing our default  setting from yes to let me get back to  you is not saying  no it’s not shutting out  you know the possibility of building  relationships is not closing off  community what it is is buying you space  and time to make that decision with  intention  so  giving yourself just a minute so that  you’re not making a kind of uh  reactive response um and you can decide  okay is this something that if i add  this into my life is going to create  calm or is this something if i added  into my life it’s going to swirl my snow  globe is it going to bring chaos um  and  i totally get that some people  are find it more difficult to say no  than others and i think that that’s why  saying something like thank you so much  for asking me to do that i’ll come back  to you  it’s a really nice way to not say no but  also not say yes it just gives yourself  uh gives you the permission to take the  time you need to make the decision in a  way that’s helpful for you and so that’s  a good way that you can then go on to  start being more intentional about the  why behind your activities  so those are my three tips the change  your  default response from yes to let me get  back to you  two start being intentional about the  why behind your activities and three  turn your home into a place that’s  restful for your family not what you  think restful should look like but the  what your family finds actually restful  lovely and i think that the being  intentional and  you know looking at your why really  helps you to be very clear about what  your priorities are and where you’re  putting your focus and attention and  maybe you are spreading yourself out a  little bit too thin trying to please you  know friends other family members things  like that and i think um just being very  clear about those things as you said  ella allows you to focus on the most  important things and maybe takes away  some of that that clutter um that is  taking your time and energy uh in your  everyday life because i think we have to  be very intentional about where we put  our time and energy when we’ve got  children and especially children that  need a bit of extra support  really you know allowing yourself that  time to focus on those key priorities is  is important so i think they’re really  good tips to let go of those things that  maybe aren’t important right now and  focus on those areas that that are so  that you’ve got your priorities right  but also it creates that less chaos a  lot more calm and um  allows you to get the results that you  want as well so  uh yeah really you know there’s a lot of  tips in there today but i think even if  you were to implement one or two  um that will make a really big  difference and  i think it’s really important to just um  take action uh all this is lovely to  listen to and talk about but maybe what  are you going to implement i would  really encourage people to choose what  they’d like to implement from that today  yeah absolutely um we do have a parent  question this week that um kind of in an  interesting way um links into this topic  um it’s from chopra from adelaide um  who’s asking i mean a number of things  but mostly asking about what happens um  or what should she do  based on the fact that her son regulates  his emotions through verbal stimming it  can be quite loud and often disrupts me  in what i’m doing i find the verbal  stimming really stressful but i know  that he needs to do it to regulate  himself i find that i need to  tell him to shush in order for me to  stay calm do you have any thoughts  interesting it’s almost auditory  auditory chaos for her you know and i  think  this is a hard one you know because it’s



about that  what do what do you what does her son  finds  that vocal stimming restful that’s what  he needs to feel at peace whereas  obviously for chopra that’s not a  restful  that’s not restful you know that’s  something that’s disruptive to her  but  um and the reason that i mention this is  that  it’s okay to have your own sensory needs  or or  you know you can’t change the fact that  that that stimming sound is stressful to  you and that’s not bad but what are you  doing to take care of your own sensory  needs so that you can feel rested as  well could you find um a type of  auditory protection that will bring down  the sounds to it to a level that you  don’t find as stressful or  is there some other kind of  um  you know strategy or stimming um  device that he could use or or something  that’s going to give him that same  comfort sensory regulation emotional  regulation that isn’t going to be  stressful to the rest of the family  explore your options  um is uh what i was going to say to that  and if you haven’t looked up loop  earbuds  i would really suggest having a look for  loop earbuds this is not sponsored i  just think they’re great because  um  they bring down  auditory sounds by a certain um amount  of decibels so you’ll still be able to  hear um chopra will still be able to  hear her son if he needs her or you know  to keep him safe  but the the over stimulation of the  vocal stimming could be bring down  brought down to a more sustainable level  do you have any thoughts about that kind  of auditory clutter that might that’s  going on there renae  yeah look i think they’re great tips and  it is an example of something that we  can’t always control a hundred percent  um so as you said look at well what can  i what’s in my control in this so  looking at those solutions um how can i  reduce that maybe what can i do within  myself to keep that nice calm within  myself regardless of what’s going on  outside of me and um i think that  they’re you know once we can really  master that that that’s a whole other  way of living really to be able to keep  that nice calm inside yourself um and i  think yeah just looking at well how am i  responding to that um you know can i  control how i how i am in that situation  or uh look at what can i influence just  to reduce that as much as i can and i  think that’s why it’s important to set  yourself up for success and find those  things that really help you create that  zone to start the day with because then  you’ll have a much better capacity to  deal with things throughout the day you  know what it’s like if we start the day  off on a bad note everything seems hard  and stressful and it just sort of  snowballs so that’s why i think just  taking that time to set yourself up and  create your lovely zone of calm for  yourself it’s going to allow you to be  able to manage those situations much  better as well  yep absolutely we would love to hear  from listeners about how they’re going  creating their  zone of calm their their bubble of calm  if you’d like to get in touch with us  please do reach out at hello we would love to hear from



you renee amy final um hot tips or  points for parents before we go  well i always love to ask the parents  and carers what is your biggest takeaway  from today so what’s the biggest thing  you’re taking from today’s podcast and  also what can you action straight away  from that so maybe it’s i’m going to go  and go home and make some changes in the  house or i’m going to commit to tomorrow  setting up my lovely morning ritual  where i create that calm for myself uh  just yeah start implementing some of  those things straight away just to  really get the benefits of um of that  and and it really starts to get you know  that positive success cycle i often talk  about sometimes just making those little  changes so i just really encourage you  to look at what would you like to action  from that today  amazing amazing well thank you so much  for joining us today renee and i um hope  that you’re having a great week  please let us know if um you  you know have any questions and until  then we will see you next time  thank you

Autism Parenting: From Chaos to Calm
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Autism Parenting: From Chaos to Calm
This week Ella and Renae get together to chat about their best tips for creating calm in your life, and in your children's lives. Parenting can be a whirlwind, and today's 24/7 culture of media and internet doesnt help to slow things down. Renae gives her thoughts on how we can create a state of internal calm despite our environment and Ella talks about cultivating a life that is restful to our unique family (whatever that might look like!) Join us for tip, tricks, strategies and some laughs along the way.
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Autism 360
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