An increasing number of children with autism across the country refuse to go to school or find it very hard to stay in class for the whole school day. High functioning autism and school refusal often go together. School refusal (school-based distress) is a complex situation that concerns everyone around the child: parents, siblings, educators and other professionals.
Some children on the autism spectrum find school demands and the learning environment overwhelming. This can lead to school refusal, avoidance or long periods of absence.
Many people mistakenly think school refusal means the student is unwilling. But a child with high-functioning autism is usually not being reluctant or difficult. In most cases they simply cannot cope with school as it is right now.
Here, you will find helpful information about school refusal among children with high-functioning autism, and ways you can help your child get back to school. The article also covers the most common causes of school refusal and gives suggestions for how parents, teachers and other school staff can support students to return.
Understanding School Refusal
School refusal, or school avoidance, is an emotional response in which an autistic child feels intense distress at the thought of going to school. It is not truancy, and it is not a behavior problem. It is a sign that something about school feels unsafe or unmanageable. School refusal and autism often go together, because school asks autistic children to manage noise, crowds, change and social demands all day long.
School refusal can affect social and academic development, and some autistic young people end up leaving school altogether.
The stress around missed days and difficult mornings is also hard on siblings and parents, and of real concern for educators and schools.
Early Signs of School Refusal
School refusal looks different in every child and can include signs such as:
- Crying, yelling or screaming (communicating distress)
- Reluctance to leave home, or locking themselves in a room
- Freezing or refusing to move
- Begging or pleading to stay at home
- Asking to leave straight after arriving at school, or during school hours
- Trouble sleeping at the thought of school the next day
- Stomach aches, headaches or feeling sick before school (these feelings are often real, even when no illness is found)
- Showing anxiety
- Self-harm or threatening to harm themselves
- Distress that looks like defiance, such as talking back or lashing out whenever school is mentioned
If your child is self-harming or talking about hurting themselves, speak to your GP or a mental health professional straight away.
These behaviors and emotions may appear after a long break or carry on throughout the year. Each case is unique because each child with high-functioning autism faces different challenges, and there may be several reasons a child refuses to attend school.
Some Myths about School Refusal
- Myth: School refusal is always a behavior problem. The idea is that if parents punish their child enough, the child will eventually “behave” and the problem will go away. In reality, punishment usually adds to the anxiety that is driving the refusal.
- Myth: School refusal is just school phobia. The idea is that forced exposure will build confidence. For many autistic children, being pushed into an overwhelming setting makes things worse, not better.
- Myth: School refusal is caused by bad parenting. The idea is that fines, threats or tough love will solve it. Parents of children with school refusal are usually working incredibly hard, and blame only adds pressure.
- Myth: School is always the best place for every child to learn. The idea is that simply enrolling a child will solve everything. Some children need major adjustments, a different school or a different way of learning.
Each of these myths ignores the real reason behind the refusal. Understanding your child’s context and needs helps you find what is driving the school refusal so you can address it. Without that understanding, quick fixes are likely to backfire and make the situation worse.
Why Some Children with High Functioning Autism Refuse School
There are many reasons why children and young people on the autism spectrum may be reluctant to leave home for school, or may stop attending altogether, and they vary from one child to another.
Here are some of the most common causes:
- Learning difficulties or falling behind with schoolwork
- Not enough social and emotional support at school
- Finding school instructions vague or confusing
- Feeling isolated from same-age peers
- Worry about teasing or harassment from peers
- Feeling lonely or finding it hard to make friends
- A school curriculum or teaching approach that does not match the needs and preferences of an autistic child
- A big gap between the safe, enjoyable activities at home and the demands of school
- Stress and anxiety about school activities, such as social interactions or classwork
- Stress and anxiety about getting to school or taking the school bus
- Stress and anxiety about leaving the familiar home environment
- Fear of leaving home (agoraphobia) or fear of leaving their parents, family or pet
- Sensory overwhelm in the classroom
- Difficulty meeting teachers’ expectations
It is often hard to get the right support for autistic students, and this can lead to even more stress for both students and parents.
Even when good support is in place, unexpected changes can happen. This can make school more challenging for your autistic child.
Some children may be reluctant or even refuse to go to school on one-off occasions, such as a school excursion or a sports day. A child may also refuse to go when there are temporary changes, such as a new teacher or a change of seat in the classroom, which leaves them unsettled.
Some autistic children will suddenly refuse to go to school. For others it starts gradually, then builds over time and becomes persistent, which points to a more significant issue.
Some kids and teens with high-functioning autism find it hard to explain what is making them avoid school. Others may have trouble identifying the reason, or may find opening up awkward or embarrassing.
High Functioning Autism Refusal Behavior: What It Is Telling You
Refusal behavior in high functioning autism is rarely about being stubborn. It is communication. When an autistic child says “no”, hides, freezes or melts down at the school gate, they are usually telling you that the demands on them are greater than their capacity to cope right now.
Some autistic children are especially sensitive to everyday demands and expectations. Even small requests can feel like a threat when their anxiety is already high. That is why pressure, rewards that feel like conditions, or arguments in the morning often make refusal stronger.
Instead of asking “How do I make my child go?”, try asking “What is making school feel impossible?” Look at the environment first (noise, crowds, timetable changes, unclear instructions), then at the demands, then at your child’s energy levels. Reducing the load is often what makes attendance possible again.
Autistic Burnout and School Refusal
Autistic burnout is a state of deep physical, mental and emotional exhaustion that can follow a long period of masking, sensory overload and trying to keep up with expectations. Autistic burnout and school refusal often go together. A child in burnout may lose skills they had before, need much more sleep, withdraw from things they usually love and be unable to face school at all.
If you think your child is in burnout, pushing harder will not help. They need rest, lower demands and time to recover. Talk to the school about a reduced timetable or a temporary break, and speak to your GP or psychologist about a plan for a gradual return.
Bullying and School Refusal in Children with Autism
Autistic children with high-functioning autism may look fine on the outside, but they may be working very hard to cope. Busy social situations can overwhelm them, and their different communication style can make them stand out from other children.
Children and teenagers with high functioning autism are more likely to withdraw socially compared to neurotypical adolescents, which may contribute to loneliness, isolation and school refusal. Bullying is often one of the causes of school refusal.
Bullying can take many forms, including verbal and relational aggression, physical bullying and cyberbullying, and all of them can be harmful.
Children and adolescents with high-functioning autism can thrive when they learn in a safe school environment, with parents and teachers keeping a close eye on how they are doing.
Children and teens with high-functioning autism are more likely to be bullied. This is not because something is wrong with them. Peers may misunderstand their communication style, the way they read social cues, their deep interests or their stims, and some children target anyone who seems different.
Kids and teens with high-functioning autism often have less visible support needs and average or strong language skills. They usually spend their days alongside non-autistic peers, which can leave them more exposed to bullying.
Some of the reasons students with high-functioning autism are targeted include:
- Reading social cues differently
- Finding fast-moving social conversations hard to follow
- Not noticing when peers mean something unkindly
- Taking things literally
- Finding it hard to form peer friendships
It can be hard for kids and teenagers with high-functioning autism to know when they are being bullied, or when others see their own actions as unkind, because social situations can be confusing. They might also respond in ways that unintentionally escalate the situation. The responsibility to stop bullying sits with the school and the adults around them, not with the autistic child.
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Identifying Why Your Autistic Child is Refusing School
If your autistic child doesn’t want to go to school and struggles to tell you why, build trust first. Spend time doing relaxing, enjoyable activities together in a quiet place where they feel comfortable to open up. Then talk with them about their school experience and why they are not looking forward to school.
Find out what your child thinks about their teachers and other students. Ask what they enjoy most, or whether they enjoyed a certain lesson. You could also ask how break time went. If they say they didn’t enjoy it, ask them why.
Work out whether your child is having trouble with teachers or other students, or whether there is something they want to avoid. For instance, ask them if there is anything they don’t like about school.
Check whether something at home is distressing them and making school harder. For instance, have you recently moved house, or is their favorite pet ill? Are they worried about a loved one?
Think about whether there is a clear pattern to their school refusal. For instance, are they more reluctant on particular days of the week, or when they expect a particular lesson, teacher or situation that they find distressing?
Ask for help from school staff who know your child well. Your child might show signs of distress at certain times of the school day.
On the other hand, your autistic child might seem fine at school and show their distress at home. Many autistic children hold in (mask) their feelings all day and release them once they are home where they feel safe.
Find out whether your child is being harassed at school, or whether they might be misunderstanding the intentions of their peers.
MUST READ ARTICLE : Autism Schools: What to Expect and How They Help
Children with Autism and School Refusal: Strategies for Support
School refusal is often misread as bad behavior, but it is actually a sign of an underlying issue. There can be several reasons why your child is resisting school, but it is most often anxiety, or worry about something at home or at school.
Once you understand why your child is avoiding school, you can take action. The goal is a gradual, supported return that keeps your child connected with their peers and learning, at a pace they can manage.
School Refusal: Practical Strategies to Try at Home
Below are some strategies you can use at home to help your autistic child with school avoidance:
1. Encourage Your Child to Talk:
Gently encourage your child to tell you about what’s bothering them, in whatever way works for them: talking, writing, drawing or typing.
2. Use a Rating System:
If your child finds it hard to talk about the issue, ask them to give each part of school a score out of 10, such as the classroom, teacher, lessons, break time, lunchtime and peers. Visual aids can help here. Your child may find it easier to show what they think about each part of school by pointing to symbols such as a smiling face or a sad face.
Share what you find out with teachers and other school staff.
4. Create a “Worry Book”:
Give your child a “worry book” and ask them to write or draw anything that stresses them during school hours. Go through it together and work out ways to handle those worries next time.
5. Suggest Stress Relief Strategies:
Suggest strategies to ease stress and big emotions. These may include movement or exercise, talking it out, slow deep breathing, a favorite stim or sensory item, and asking teachers or classmates for help.
6. Praise and Encourage:
Notice and praise your child’s effort, including small steps such as putting on their school uniform, doing their homework or trying something they have found hard.
7. Talk About Why School Matters:
Help your child understand why education matters, in a way that connects to their own interests and goals. If your child talks easily, ask them how they feel about school and give them a comfortable space to talk about their peers, teachers, school routine and the school environment in general. If your child communicates in other ways, such as AAC, writing or gestures, use a rating system with numbers, symbols and colors to represent good and bad experiences.
8. Maintain a Consistent Routine:
Keep a consistent routine at home. Many autistic children thrive on predictable daily routines and visual schedules. A routine helps reduce stress and tension because your child knows what is coming.
9. Address Social and Separation Anxiety:
Your child might be feeling social anxiety, or separation anxiety about leaving a family member, their favorite pet or a toy. Reassure them, keep their favorite things in the same place, and keep routines consistent so your child can look forward to coming home after school.
10. Prepare for Back to School:
Going back to school after the holidays can be stressful for autistic children. Create a back-to-school plan to prepare your child ahead of time, such as visiting the school, looking at photos of their new classroom and teacher, and practicing the morning routine. Take this opportunity to talk with your child, listen to their fears and solve problems before they grow.
11. Celebrate Achievements:
Celebrate small achievements, and acknowledge your child’s strengths, skills and interests. Feeling capable and understood builds the confidence they need to face hard things.
Strategies for Working with your Child’s School on School Refusal
The best way to keep your child in school is to work closely with the school. Talk with your child’s teacher and school leaders, and ask them to act quickly if your child is being bullied. The support your child needs will depend on what is causing their school refusal.
1. Creating a Supportive Learning Environment
The school should provide a supportive learning environment. Many children on the autism spectrum have sensory differences. There are many ways to support them, including a calm, quiet space to retreat to, noise-canceling headphones, and seating away from busy areas. An occupational therapist can also help with sensory needs.
2. Additional Support from School Teachers
Children on the spectrum may need different or extra support from their teachers. They may need help moving between lessons or settling after a long break. A speech pathologist can also help with social communication.
3. Parental Insights and Recommendations
No one knows your child better than you. Use that knowledge to suggest strategies that can be used at school, and share them with teachers and other staff.
4. Realistic Adjustments in Daily Routines
Ask the teacher to consider realistic adjustments at the start and end of the day. These might include meeting your child at the school gate, a quieter entry before the bell, and time to engage in their interests or hobbies.
5. Additional Breaks During School Hours
Suggest that educators consider extra breaks during school hours. These can be used for a different learning activity, play or rest in a quieter place.
6. End of Day Review with Teachers
Your child may want to talk with the teacher or support staff at the end of the day. Suggest they go through the school timetable with your child and ask them to rate each part of the day out of 10. For any part with a low score, find out why.
7. Incorporating Interests into Lessons
Ask educators to bring your child’s interests into lessons to make learning easier. For example, a child who loves dinosaurs could count or name dinosaurs, or use dinosaur books and toys to learn about colors and numbers. Building learning around a child’s passions makes it personal to them.
8. Building Relationships and Individualized Learning
Focusing on their interests or hobbies can help start conversations, build strong relationships with teachers, and give children with high functioning autism a say in their own learning path. Suggest educators find ways to recognize small achievements for children with learning difficulties.
9. Individualized Education Plans
Students with high-functioning autism learn in their own ways and at different paces, so each child should have an education plan based on their abilities, strengths and interests. Schools can also run autism awareness and training for teachers and staff, to help children with school attendance difficulties re-engage with school and feel safe and valued.
10. Focusing on Social Development
Educators should support social development, with guidance on forming and keeping friendships that benefit all children. Schools also need clear strategies to reduce peer victimization and bullying, to build confidence and self-esteem across the whole student body, including autistic students. The goal is an autism-friendly learning environment for every child.
Getting Professional Assistance for School Refusal
Families can get support to understand school refusal behavior and to find and solve the issues behind it.
If your child says they feel sick or complains of tummy aches and headaches, make an appointment with your GP to get them checked.
If the doctor does not find a physical cause, they may refer you to a pediatrician, psychologist or psychiatrist.
These specialists will usually do an assessment to see whether the school refusal is linked to stress, anxiety or depression. They can also recommend therapies and other support options for school refusal.
Ask your doctor for tips to help your autistic child return to school. In Australia, your GP may suggest a Mental Health Treatment Plan based on your child’s goals and needs.
If your child still can’t attend school after these supports are in place, consider a different school, a flexible or part-time arrangement, distance education or homeschooling.
Prioritizing Self-Care
School refusal can be hard to resolve, and it can be exhausting and frustrating. Looking after yourself will help you feel steadier physically, mentally and emotionally during stressful times.
Look after your own mental health, eat healthy food, stay active with regular exercise and get enough rest, so you have the energy to support your child back to school.
Reach out to a mental health professional or a trusted friend. Every small step you take to treat your body and mind kindly can make a positive difference to your health, mood and general wellbeing.
Other FAQs on High Functioning Autism and School Refusal
What to do when your autistic child refuses to go to school?
Should I force my autistic child to go to school?
Is school refusal a sign of autism?
Can a school reject an autistic child?
Conclusion
If your child is experiencing school refusal, offer them support and guidance and let them know you are on their side. A strong support network at home and at school can make an enormous difference.
Many families can ease school-related anxiety and school refusal in children with high-functioning autism using the tips above. If your child is still often unable to go to school and showing signs of anxiety and school refusal after some time, we recommend seeking professional help.
MUST READ ARTICLES:
1. Autism and Bullying
2. What Schools for Autism Look Like
3. High Functioning Autism and Asperger’s
4. Are Autistic Teens Gullible to Peer Bullying
5. How To Prevent Children With Autism From Being Bullied
Special Educator of over 15 years. Autism specialist, Sign Language interpreter, and Autism Mommy. Currently working on my Master’s in ABA and love learning more about sensory needs, and assisting families on their journey through Autism. In my free time you will find me outside, and traveling the world. My bucket list and travels will always consist of hiking and National Parks!
