Erratic Behavior: Do you End up Blaming Autistic Child’s Parents?

Erratic behavior in an autistic child is often misread as bad parenting. An investigation in Wales found that a poor understanding of autism symptoms has led to families getting the wrong guidance, with parents being sent to parenting courses that don’t fit their child’s needs.

One mother shared her fears about her child’s behavior, and how she was misled by the overwhelming amount of information out there.

Autism symptoms can affect how a person communicates and interacts with others. A service that aims to improve support and raise public awareness is planned to roll out in Wales.

Why Parents of Autistic Children Get Blamed

Julie Baron, a solicitor from Bangor, says parents are often blamed for their child’s “bad” behavior. But, she says, people overlook what might be behind a sudden outburst. It may be sensory overload or a meltdown.

MUST READ: How to Deal With Autism

Ms Baron says she has seen many parents blamed unfairly, even though it is not their fault. People who don’t understand autism point their fingers and blame poor parenting, she says.

Ms Baron also says that, during stressful times like these, parents are often told to try new strategies and attend parenting classes as the solution. You can be the best parent any child could have, she adds, but what if your child’s behavior is communicating a need that a standard course doesn’t address?

Generic courses often can’t get to the root cause, because they don’t take the child’s background or history into account.

Anna Reynolds, a mother from Conwy County, says she suspects all three of her children are autistic, although only one has an autism diagnosis. She has enrolled him in a special school that meets his needs.

Anna says her son sometimes finds everyday tasks such as brushing his hair, getting changed and showering very hard. As a result, his hair may be tangled and his hands dirty.

Even so, he is happy and healthy, says his mother. But Anna says she fears being reported to social services.

“You end up being paranoid and feeling someone is watching you all the time and they will never understand what is happening in reality.”

Anna adds, “People do not know what autism is and they end up inferring their own set of conclusions.” This has left her living her daily life in fear.

A deputy spokesman, Geraint Hopkins, gives his view on social services: “Although there is a gradual change in the attitudes of people, the change is not fast enough.”

Geraint adds, “That is one of the major reasons integrated autism services are important and getting the local authorities involved is the crucial step in the success of the program.”

He also says, “Authorities can end up playing an important role in helping the public change their attitudes while ensuring proper reforms which can go a long way in catering to people with unique and challenging needs.”

What is Erratic Behavior?

Erratic behavior means behavior that seems sudden, unpredictable or out of character, such as a calm child suddenly becoming very distressed, running off or lashing out. To an onlooker, an autistic child’s behavior can look erratic or sporadic. But there is almost always a reason behind it, even if it isn’t obvious.

Erratic Behavior Examples

• Laughing one moment and crying or vocalizing distress the next
• Suddenly running off, hiding or refusing to move
• Lashing out, throwing things or hurting themselves when overwhelmed
• Shutting down and going quiet without warning

What Is Erratic Behavior a Sign Of?

In anyone, erratic behavior can be a sign of stress, exhaustion, pain, illness, anxiety or a mental health condition, and in adults sometimes substance use. In children, it is often linked to overwhelm, poor sleep, ADHD or autism. For many autistic children, it’s a sign that their sensory, emotional or communication load has become too much. If the behavior is new, severe or worrying, see your GP.

Why Autistic Children’s Behavior Can Seem Erratic

• Sensory overload: noise, lights, crowds, smells or scratchy clothes can build up until the child’s nervous system can’t take any more.
• Change and uncertainty: an unexpected change of plan, a new teacher or a different route home can be deeply unsettling.
• Communication barriers: when a child can’t explain that they’re in pain, hungry, tired or scared, behavior becomes their way of telling you.
• Masking and after-school restraint collapse: many children hold it together all day and release the stress once they’re somewhere safe, usually at home.
• Hidden health issues: poor sleep, constipation, reflux or toothache can all show up as sudden changes in behavior.

An autism meltdown is not the same as tantrums. A tantrum usually has a goal and can stop when the goal is met. A meltdown is an involuntary response to overwhelm, and the child can’t simply choose to stop.

What Helps

• Look for patterns. Keep a simple diary of when, where and what happened before each episode. Patterns often appear within a few weeks.
• Change the environment first. Headphones, a quiet space, visual schedules and warnings before transitions can prevent many meltdowns.
• Stay calm and keep words to a minimum during a meltdown. Keep your child safe and wait for the storm to pass.
• Get the right assessment. If parenting courses aren’t helping, ask your GP about an autism assessment or support that fits your child’s needs.
• Look after yourself. If you feel judged, remember that you know your child best. Connecting with other parents of autistic children can make a huge difference.

If you see a child having a hard time in public, offer kindness, not judgment. The parent is very likely doing their best.